… about women and sex.
I was reading Cosmo today when I ran into this book, Sh*t My Dad Says, that actually started out as a twitter page owned by Justin Halpern. I was reading the excerpts that the magazine had and decided that I totally have to have this book. Its hilarious. Just read and enjoy:
On friendship: “You’ve got good friends. I like them. I don’t think they would fuck your girlfriend, if you had one.”
On getting dumped by my first girlfriend: “Listen, I understand why you’re upset, but you’re both 19. You can’t think you were only gonna screw each other forever. That’s just silly talk.”
On furnishing one’s home: “Pick your furniture like you pick a wife. It should make you feel comfortable and should look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it, they want to steal it.”
On my trip to Europe: “I know you think you’re going to get all kinds of laid. It’s not a magic place, it’s the same as here. Don’t be stupid.”
I totally want to meet this guy. I would never stop laughing.
“Harry Potter is all about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity… Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.”
— Andrew Futral
Bahahahaha! The Twilight part makes me laugh.
It’s couldn’t care less people, not could care less. I get so frusterated when I see people using it wrong. If you say you could care less, that means that whatever you are talking about holds some meaning for you, that you care about it. When you say couldn’t care less, that means its at the very bottom of your care list, that it means absolutely nothing to you. See the difference? There are very few things more frusterating when I’m reading something than when I see this mistake. Its not that hard to comprehend. Its basically common sense. Get with it people, couldn’t care less.
Once upon a time
I was you
What happened child
Of golden hair
What happened then
I wasn’t there
You reached for me
But another won your heart
A smiling lie
Danced your way
You followed him
Into a wood
No one saw
The wolf in hood
And now you stand
And stare at me
Your frock is stained
Your knees are green
How do I hold your hand and stay
How do I heal
‘Little Red Riding Hood’ by Christina Reihill