Ølbriller = beer goggles

 

This song is hilarious.

It’s a shame that its in norwegian so most of you won’t understand it, but I’ve taken the liberty of translating the parts of the lyrics that made me smile. It doesn’t flow as well in english as in norwegian, so if you really want to capture the essence, just learn norwegian. Hehe.

Btw, Princess Madaleine is the princess of Sweden.

She was the chick that only every got shit,
The chick that never could get Brad Pitt.
An ugly duckling, no prince charming,
No happy-ever-after, this ain’t a fairytale.

Not so fast, she only got pretty
After the wine made her 90 kilos skinnier
She looked like a man-girl half an hour ago
Now she looks like Britney, can it be the wine?

You scared me at first, but I was thirsty
So I drank you as pretty as Princess Madaleine
Yeah, I have my beer goggles on, my beer goggles on

Shots make her fancy, wine makes her classy
She’s swinging like babe in Dirty Dancing.

She’s an ex-witch, now she wants to have sex,
Beer goggles on? Check. Ready, set…

She was tight, kinda alright but
Later she got hotter than fire
Before she was anything but hot,
Now she’s fucking great, like Cinderella

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Locks and Bonds

I bet from reading the title you thought this post was going to be about S&M, bondage or some other type of kinky sex, right? Hehe, gotcha! Its totally not, but I’m sure that if that’s what you’re really after you could just type it into Google and get tons of hits.

Anyways. Where was I?

That’s right, Locks and Bonds. As in hair extensions of course! I just ordered them yesterday, so if all goes well I’ll have them by the end of next week. I’m so excited. I’ve been contemplating buying extensions for years now, because no matter how long I let my hair grow, it never gets long enough.

I always put off the buying though. Either they were too expensive, or they would damage my hair, or I wanted to dye my hair a new color first. But now I’ve found the perfect extensions. They are temporarily permanent I tip hair extensions. Hehe sounds weird yeah?

What that means is they are basically fusion extensions that don’t involve the fusion. There is this little ring that you thread you’re hair through and clip into place, and ba-da-boom ba-da-bing, you’ve just lengthened you hair.

That’s 250 bucks well spent if you ask me!

I don’t need you or your brand new Benz

Kesha said it best:

“You can’t imagine the immensity of the fuck I’m not giving about your money and manservant at the mansion you live in. And I don’t want to go place where all my ladies can’t get it. Just grab a bottle, some boys and take it back to my basement, and get sleazy. Sick all your lines, so cheesy. Sorry daddy, but I’m not that easy.”

Listen up dudes, cause not all women are gold diggers. You dropping cash like it grows on trees just makes you look like a douche. Its not all about the benjamins. Sometimes its better to just get sleazy.

Sh*t My Dad Says…

… about women and sex.

I was reading Cosmo today when I ran into this book, Sh*t My Dad Says, that actually started out as a twitter page owned by Justin Halpern. I was reading the excerpts that the magazine had and decided that I totally have to have this book. Its hilarious. Just read and enjoy:

On friendship: “You’ve got good friends. I like them. I don’t think they would fuck your girlfriend, if you had one.”

On getting dumped by my first girlfriend: “Listen, I understand why you’re upset, but you’re both 19. You can’t think you were only gonna screw each other forever. That’s just silly talk.”

On furnishing one’s home: “Pick your furniture like you pick a wife. It should make you feel comfortable and should look nice, but not so nice that if someone walks past it, they want to steal it.”

On my trip to Europe: “I know you think you’re going to get all kinds of laid. It’s not a magic place, it’s the same as here. Don’t be stupid.”

I totally want to meet this guy. I would never stop laughing.

“The Big Easy”

I am an avid reader of Cosmo. If I can’t get my hands on the magazine itself, you will definitely find me on their website. I don’t always agree with what they say or write about, but there is always something to make me smile or to peak my interests. As of right now I like the article “The Big Easy”. Its an article that reveals the most and least well endowed cities in the United States. It kinda made me smile. Starting from worst to best, the list goes as follows:

  • Dallas
  • Philadelphia
  • Detroit
  • Los Angeles  (bahahha. made me laugh)
  • Denver
  • Boston
  • Columbus
  • Indianapolis
  • Miami
  • Seattle
  • Saint Louis
  • Chicago
  • San Francisco
  • Atlanta
  • Portland
  • Pheonix
  • New York City
  • San Diego
  • Washington D.C.
  • And the number one is… New Orleans. Looks like Mardi Gras isn’t all they have to offer.

Its your duty to shake your booty?

Everyone remembers Aqua, right?

I’m a barbie girl, in a barbie world…
Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones, calling Dr. Jones…
I am the candyman, coming from bountyland…

Well, what most people don’t know about this band is that they are from Norway. The lead singer chick’s name is Lene Nystrom. Now, I always knew that they were from Norway, being norwegian and all, but I just recently found out that Lene Nystrom also had a career as a solo artist. Her hit song was called “Its your duty (to shake your booty).” I swear the first time I heard this song I laughed so hard. Its so dumb, but so addicting. You can’t help but actually shake your booty to it.

I’ve got a secret. And I want to tell you.

Everyone has secrets, right? But what’s the point in having a secret if you want somebody else to know? Here are some secrets and some not-so-secrets about guys and girls that everyone should know. A lot of these you’ve probably seen before, but maybe not all of them.

Secrets Girls Want Guys To Know

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
5. I’m convinced I’m pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
6.I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it’s about you.
9. I’m terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I’m scared of losing my independence.
14. I’m more forgiving of you than I really should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I’m not. (See directly above.)
17. If I’m not having sex with you, I’m: a). having a fat day. b). not feeling "connected" to you. c). blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you’re fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I’m not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we’re just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I’m very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I’m unimpressed with a man who doesn’t take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I’m in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You’re sexy when you’re shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you–and for you to recognize this.
37. If I’m not feeling loved, I will start looking….
38. Discussion of ex-gf’s and ex-bf’s should be avoided at all times.
39. I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking, even if you don’t know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it’s only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you’re sweaty.
42. It’s best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It’s cheating as soon as you’re doing something with her that you wouldn’t want me to see, hear, read…
48. For the record: I’d rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
50. You should know all this and more with-out my telling you.

Secrets Guys Want Girls To Know

1. Guys hate sluts.
2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" – two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they’re gonna say so there aren’t awkward pauses, but once he’s on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
5. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.
10. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
11. Guys get jealous easily.
12. Guys are more emotional than they’d like people to think.
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh…never
mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
16. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.
17. Guys are very open about themselves.
18. It’s good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don’t let him wait too long.
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
23. Guys will brag about anything.
24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours,.
26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys.
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.
29. A guy has to experience rejection, or he won’t be mature and grown up.
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read.
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it.
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
37. Guys don’t really have final decisions.
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often.
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
42. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
44. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
48. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.
49. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.
50. 99.5% of the time, we didn’t mean to hurt you

Men&Sex :: Fact or fiction?

Ladies, today we are putting to rest all those myths about men and sex. No one really knows where they originate from, but everyone’s heard them. Some are waaay farfetched, some sound like they can be plausible. But now, our minds will finally be put to ease.

  1.  
    1. Big feet = Big Penis
      Sorry ladies, but in no way, shape or form does a man’s shoe size effect the size of his package. As much as we’d all like this to be true (because, hey, it’d make things easier) its been disproven in countless numbers of surveys over the years. But I wouldn’t put it past people to continue spreading this myth as fact.
    2. Men are always in the mood for sex
      Looks like girls aren’t the only ones that need a break then. This myth has been a relationship enemy for a long time. Girls assume the guys want sex all the time, and when they don’t they feel unwanted. Guys find it hard to livie up to the expectation of being able and willing at anytime. So relax guys and girls, just because you or your partner aren’t in the mood doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.
    3. Men want sex more than woman
      Wrong! This a purely chemical thing. In the first 18 months of being in a relationship guys and girls release a chemical called PEA which amps up the sex drive. The only diference is that for the girls, the chemical slowly stops being released around the 2 years mark, but for the guys it keeps going on for awhile longer. So its not that they want more sex then women, their bodies just produce more chemicals than women.
    4. The average erection is 8 inches long
      Try more like 5.5 to 6.2 inches. What can I say, guys are fibbers. This myth has only led to girls feeling short-changed and guys feeling insecure. So stop the fretting boys, 6 inches is nothing to worry about.
    5. Men think about sex every 7 seconds
      Think logically people, not possible. Let’s do some math. Say the average man stays awake for about 16 hours, thats 57,000 thoughts of sex in one day. That about the amount of times we breath when we are awake. If men thought about sex every 7 seconds they wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else.
    6. Men never fake it
      Now this is one myth that surprised even me. It turns out that sometimes men need to fake an orgasm too. The main reason for men faking it is that they aren’t in the mood, but don’t want to hurt their partners feelings. The second biggest reason is that they have come too many times already and are just worn out. It might be harder for men to fake it, but apparently its possible.
    7. Men aren’t into foreplay
      Get ready for the long haul ladies, cause men like the foreplay. The building of tension with teasing touches or playing games makes everything that much sweeter for them, and for us. I guess the big O isn’t the only thing on his mind as often as we think.
    8. Men only get turned on my sexy underwear
      Nope. Sure every once in awhile is nice to pull out the lacy and frilly underwear, but if you wear it too often, they’ll get bored with it. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally wearing a nice pair of cotton undies instead of the silk and fancy stuff. Change it up ladies, that’s whats important.

So those are all the myths put to rest for now. You can read more about it in the march edition of Cosmo, not to mention the 5 truths about men&sex.

Addicted, but not ashamed

 

“Some girls are trashy hoes, that you just go home with. And some you have to actually treat like human beings” – Vinny from Jersey Shore

If you don’t know what Jersey Shore is Google it, because you are seriously missing out on sex, drama and alcohol filled entertainment. I’m addicted to the show, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. This kind of reality tv rocks my life.

6 Reasons to Have Sex

Not that people really need a reason to have sex besides the fact that it’s fun and feels good, but sex is really good for your health. Did you know that people  who are regularly sexually active tend to lead less stressful lives and have higher self-confidence than non-sexually active people? Well if you didn’t, now you do. But having sex can do a lot more than that for your health.

  1. Sex reduces heart diseases.
  2. Sex strengthens your immune system.
  3. Regular sex reduces stress.
  4. Sex builds intimacy (with yourself and others).
  5. A good sex life reduces sleep problems.
  6. Sex increases self-confidence.

In my opinion sex is the ish, and these 6 reasons just make it even better. Its like adding sprinkles to icing on a cupcake. You didn’t really need anymore reason to eat the cupcake, but the sprinkles make it that much yummier.